Roaching Dating in 2024: Everything You Need to Know

Roaching describes a new trend on dating apps where a person is concealing their dating habits from you. You're trying to get on the same page, but they just won't let you!

What does this mean? Well, they could be:

• Dating multiple people

  
  

• Sleeping with multiple people

  
  

• On multiple dating apps trying to find multiple people to engage with.

All of these behaviors would be fine if they were upfront about it. However, it becomes roaching when they are trying to hide it. It's not exactly cheating because you're not in an exclusive relationship; however, it still feels gross because you're not being truthful.

It's not the best way to find a new partner because both you and the other person have different expectations.

Roaching is just as gross as it sounds, and it gets its origin from those nasty little bugs.

Coined by AskMen, the term roaching comes from the idea that if there is one cockroach, there are likely more. Cockroaches often travel together, so you may only see one of the little bugs but knowing there are more hiding beyond your vision.

You know that ickiness of seeing one? The same applies to online dating. If you are chatting with a person, you may automatically assume they are also talking to other people. Especially in the early stages, that should be a given!

However, as you begin to get more personal with them, you can start to ask questions. If somebody is cagey about their behaviors and unwilling to be clear if they are playing the field, they could be roaching you.

Remember, where there's one, there are always going to be more - especially in the online dating world. If it feels like they are hiding something, they probably are.

The dating term roaching has negative connotations - after all, it's derived from a bug! Still, many people engage in the behavior. Why? Let's go over some of the pros and cons of roaching in a relationship.

Pros of Roaching

Some people may actively be roaching, and here are some reasons why.

• Playing the field: If you want to see, talk to or sleep with more than one person and keep your options option, you may want to engage in roaching.

  
  

• Avoid commitment: Some people are allergic to serious relationships and even talking to others to ensure you're on the same page is too much. This is an awkward conversation you want to avoid. That's why you're not in a serious relationship to begin with.

  
  

• Thrill: Some people like the rush of hiding things, so roaching makes the most sense for them. Secretly dating makes it all the more rewarding for them, even if the other person does not know.

Cons

There are many downsides to roaching, especially if you want to find a committed relationship.

• Lying: Even if you aren't outright lying, it's a lie by omission if you don't disclose you are dating other partners. This dishonestly does not help you establish trust in a partner.

  
  

• Sexual health: You are putting the sexual health of others at risk if you do not share that you are sleeping with other people, especially if you are not using protection. This is not healthy for any relationship.

  
  

• Reputation: The online dating community is small, so if you are a player, people will talk. You'll develop a bad rep, and it may make it hard to date in the future. You'll become a walking red flag.

Ultimately, it's a personal choice of how you handle your dating life. However, honesty is usually the best policy. Dating is hard enough. In fact, 47% of people say it's harder to date now than it was 10 years ago. You don't need to make it harder by roaching.

There are some telltale signs that you can tell if someone is roaching you. Here are a few to keep an eye out for.

• Pull random disappearing acts: If someone doesn't show up when they say they will or ghosts you randomly, chances are they're with someone else, and they don't want you - or the other person - to know. They may offer lame excuses or simply pretend it never happened. They may only want to see you in the winter months when they've got nothing better to do.

  
  

• Keep you at arm's length: If you're trying to get closer to someone, asking more personal questions, and trying to establish a rapport, chances are they are keeping you at a distance for a reason. If you can't talk to them, you may not trust them as much as you had originally thought you could.

  
  

• Don't post photos: If they don't want to post photos with you or be tagged in photos with you, they could be seeing other partners or even have a full-on other family!

  
  

• Cancel plans: If they constantly cancel plans last minute or half-commit to them, you feel like a backup. You are being treated like an option, not a priority.

  
  

• Lack of affection: If they're not taking you out on dates or giving you signs that they desire you, especially in public, then they may be seeing others. They're being cautious so they can explain away behaviors if they are caught.

There are more subtle indicators as well, including not introducing you to friends and family, only making plans on certain days, and never making commitments. If your potential partner hides more than they share, chances are you may be falling victim to this dating trend.

You can control how you act, so if that's not what you want, then you can move on.

If you want to tell if your potential love interest is roaching you, here are some messages you can send them to try to determine your status.

• Are you seeing other people? While direct, this question gets to the heart of the issue. If they refuse to answer it directly, then you have your answer that they are secretly dating others.

  
  

• Can we take a picture together? People who are roaching typically don't want photo proof that they are seeing someone, so not only will they resist having their picture taken in the first place, they will also refuse to be tagged online.

  
  

• If we were to get serious, would you stop chatting with other people? This hypothetical gives them the room to say they feel the same way and that you are the only person they want to see.

As difficult as it is, cut to the point when you are trying to see if you are being roached. You'll feel an immense sense of relief when you find out if you are the only person they are dating or if they are keeping you at arm's length because they are secretly dating a lot of people.