What are you looking for on Tinder? How to answer in 2023

Online dating is about filtering, so it makes sense that women want to make sure you're on the same page before spending too much time talking, let alone going on dates. If someone is looking for a relationship, then maybe they don't want to meet someone who is just looking for fun, or sex, on Tinder.

So while it might sound like a test, remember that it's not just about finding the right answers — it's about figuring out whether you're actually compatible.

Don't be desperate to get every girl you match with to go on dates with you, instead spend time searching for girls who are interested in the same things you are. There are a ton of questions to ask on Tinder to make sure you two are compatible.

There's nothing wrong with using Tinder just to see what's out there. And maybe that's the answer you want to give. The problem is, if you sound wishy-washy, that can end the conversation before it's really gotten started.

That's why it's important to think honestly about what looking for, so you can tell the truth when the question comes up.

A one night stand

There's nothing wrong with looking for sex on Tinder! And believe it or not, plenty of girls are looking for casual sex, too.

And here's the secret — you don't need to lie to get it. Instead of being afraid to scare someone off, work on ways to be clear about what you want, and to find women who want the same thing. The easiest way to do that is to use a sexual Tinder pickup line.

A few dates

Just looking for a few dates? That's fine too. Not everyone is looking for a relationship. Sometimes you're just bored and want to shake things up a little, or maybe you're going to an event that would be more fun with company.

You don't need to have a girlfriend to get a date now and then. Plenty of cool people are just looking for an occasional night out, and you can use a dating site like Tinder to find them.

A serious relationship

Are serious relationships found on Tinder? absolutely. While it might not be the first thing Tinder makes you think of, it absolutely happens. Plenty of people have met the right person online and lived happily ever after.

Again, the important thing is clarity. You need to have the right strategy for what you're looking for, rather than just hoping lightning will strike and make beautiful women fall into your lap.

Now that you have an idea of what you're actually looking for, you need to figure out how to answer the dreaded question.

With so little time to get to know your matches on dating sites, a simple conversation can feel impossibly high stakes. But hopefully you can navigate these choppy waters and in the end get that phone number.

If you want to keep your options open

One approach is to give an answer that's general enough that it keeps your options open, without being so vague that it sounds like you're dodging the question. How do you do that? Here's one example:

"I like to stay open-minded. I'm not really looking to settle down right away but I'm also not just looking for hookups, either. I'm just hoping to meet interesting people and see what happens."

An answer like this can come across as honest, while also keeping your options open. But remember, we suggest you stick with the truth! So if you're really only looking for one thing, don't play games just to get a date.

If you want a girlfriend

If you do want something a bit more serious, say so! You don't get what you want without asking for it. Try saying something like,

"I'm not opposed to meeting new people and making friends, but honestly I'm getting tired of dating around and I'd like to find a girlfriend."

Again, this keeps your options open — it's clear that there's not only one outcome that you're open to. But it also lets her know that she's not barking up the wrong tree if she's looking for a boyfriend.

If you're looking for sex

Believe it or not, honesty is still the best policy. You just need to find the right way to express yourself. (And creepy pick-up lines aren't the right way!)

Don't assume most girls aren't open to hooking up. Plenty of women are open to a sex date — the problem is the way some guys go about it.

Remember that online dating isn't an even playing field, and there are good reasons girls feel like they can't always be open about what they're looking for. So it's your job to make them feel safe enough to be honest. Here's one option,

"Honestly, I've got a pretty stressful job and I'm looking to blow off some steam. But it's especially nice if that can be with someone who becomes a friend, too."

Only include the second part if it's true! Otherwise, stick with the first line. But consider this, it's a lot easier to maintain a friend with benefits or two (or three?) than to keep meeting new women for hookups all the time.