You finally exchange numbers with your crush... and then what? What are you actually supposed to talk about? It can feel intimidating at first to talk to a person you care about, but a few simple conversation starters can help get the discussion flowing.
To find a good conversation starter, you need to consider what interests the two of you have in common, or what interests one of you has that the other might want to learn about. If you've met through online dating, you should have at least a few ideas based on their profile.
While it can be tricky to find things to talk about at first, once you get the hang of it, keeping the conversation flowing will seem second nature. Don't stress yourself out thinking of funny questions to ask, the Shit Test, or trying to make a perfect first impression. Just spending time getting to know each other is all it takes to begin building a healthy relationship.
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If you need interesting things to discuss with your crush, here are some ideas.
Which fictional character would you invite to dinner? Which one would you want to rescue you if you were kidnapped? Allow the world of fiction to inform your early conversations, and you'll stay in safer territory than digging deeply into your real lives.
Not only is this a great view into their personality, but you can take notes for the next time you're planning a date of your own. They'll be impressed that you remembered the things they care about.
Everyone has opinions about fashion. From their personal fashion sense to that of celebrities or even their coworkers. Bring up fashion and get ready to hear some strong opinions. Try asking about the best and worst thing they've ever seen on the red carpet!
It sounds straightforward at first, but you never know what you'll find out. Is your crush a kind soul who works at a soup kitchen, or do they have unusual hobbies you've never even heard of? Better ask them now, because it's good to know before you start spending your free time together.
Everyone has a favorite movie, and most people are eager to tell you about it. You can also change things up by asking what movie a person has watched the most times — which is often different from their favorite movies, and there's generally a story behind that difference.
More of a TV person than a movie person? No problem! TV offers just as many conversation starters. And if you're chatting in person, see if they can do an impression of their favorite TV personality.
Pineapple on pizza? Leaving the cap off the toothpaste? You never know what's going to get under someone's skin, but everyone has at least something. (And you'll learn what to avoid in the future.)
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Like to take the road less traveled? Try some of these unusual topics to shake things up a little, each one provides endless things to discuss.
You see the great big flying saucer in the sky — now what? Do you take up arms against them? Create a sign welcoming our new alien overlords? The possibilities are endless. Not only can this create a lively conversation, but your crush's answers to questions like this will help you learn a lot about them.
From mantis shrimp vision to banana slug anatomy, if you want to get weird — here's your topic of choice. The great thing about a conversation starter like this is you can easily keep the conversation light, or go in more serious directions, depending on the vibe you get as the conversation develops.
Did you know there were whole discussion forums dedicated to coming up with the perfect three wishes — all while avoiding a wish backfire? Now you do!
If you want to play it safe, try one of these topics to talk about.
There's a holiday around every corner, so ask what their plans are. From camping over long weekends to spending winter nights with family, talking about the holidays will give you a glimpse into someone's personal life, without sounding like an overly personal question.
Are they a dog person or a cat person? It might sound simple, but people take their pets very seriously. You can also ask about childhood pets or their dream pet for the future. Pot-bellied pig anyone?
Whatever they say, take notes — you're about to learn what's important to them, and get an idea of what kind of compliments you can give in the future.
Another seemingly basic topic, but full of opportunities to learn about your crush. Are they a coffee person or do they prefer tea? Ask your crush if they're an early bird or a night owl? Do they work out? Talking about your daily routines is a great way to learn a lot about a person, and fast.
Bring on the dad jokes! Often, jokes meant for children are the best place to start. Think of the kinds of jokes you'd find on a popsicle stick — the cheesier the better!
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Once you get the ball rolling with some small talk, it will get easier to form a deeper bond. Asking a girl out is probably the hardest part. The most important thing to remember is not to force it. Sometimes a conversation comes to an end, and that's okay. If a topic has run it's course, just let it go, let some time pass, and start a new conversation in a day or two.
People get busy with work, school, family, and other commitments. So don't take it personally when a conversation fizzles out. Just dive in again with a new conversation starter next time, and be sure to focus on the things you've learned your crush likes. As you develop feelings for each other, the conversations will flow more easily.
Most importantly — have fun with it!
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Ben is one of the best Tinder Experts I've ever met and one of the few that cracked the algorithm of Tinder. Every week, Ben is publishing new articles on ROAST, helping 1M+ of people to get more matches, dates, and find the one!