When you're using a dating app, it can feel like getting matches is the whole focus, but once you've got a match — how do you transition to an actual date?
We're going to walk you through the steps to get from a match, to a first message, to the first date!
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There are a lot of different theories about whether you should keep your chats with Tinder matches in the app, or whether you should get the girl's number and take the conversation to text.
Switching to text can feel like too big of a commitment for some girls — because they can't simply block or unmatch you if things don't go well.
But there are benefits, too. For one, it's easier for people to keep track of conversations they care about all in one place, rather than having to check whatever dating site they're using.
With this in mind, you may want to ask for her number. Just remember, not everyone will be comfortable with that — so read our advice below about taking no for an answer and don't give up if you need to keep your conversation in the app.
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So, what are you waiting for to take charge of your dating life?
Online dating can be a game of timing. You need to wait until she's ready before proposing a date, without waiting so long that the spark is lost.
How do you do that?
You need to start by having a good conversation. Before you can suggest a date, you need to sound like someone she'll actually wanna meet. Once you've built a rapport, then you can float the idea of a date.
Also — timing doesn't just apply to asking for the date, it applies to scheduling, too. You don't want to suggest a date too far in advance, or it becomes easy to lose interest or get distracted by something else. Ideally, suggest a date that will happen within the next few days. At the longest, suggest a date for the next week.
You don't want to risk scaring her off, so that means the first date should feel safe and easy. Simply suggesting that you grab coffee can be a great place to start. Just make sure it's not so open-ended that it never happens.
Once she agrees to the idea, follow up by asking when she usually has free time, like meeting her when she's on a break from work.
This might feel tricky to balance with keeping it simple — but the two tips actually work very well together.
Once you know her general schedule — so that you can suggest a date that works well for her — you can then suggest a specific date that will be easy to say yes to.
For example, "How about meeting for happy hour tomorrow when you get off work? I know a great bar in the same neighborhood as your office."
Get the idea? It's still simple because she can meet right after work without making a separate trip, but it's specific because you're naming a time and a place.
When you've got these two elements in your favor, it's much easier for her to say yes.
You can't cut-and-paste your Tinder messages, and you can't cut-and-paste your date requests.
There's no reason for her to say "yes" if you haven't engaged with anything she's said on her profile, or in her messages to you.
There's no way to shortcut this part — you need to pay attention! Use what she's said in her bio, what her photos show, and elements from your first few messages to craft a date request that aligns with her interests.
Get the idea?
Do your best to have a meaningful conversation after you've matched, so you can make a real connection and suggest a date that will be a good fit for both of you.
When you're chatting with a girl on Tinder, you're competing with lots of other guys. And sometimes, one of those guys is going to beat you to landing a date. But remember, dates on Tinder come and go, so if you make a good impression and don't ruin your chances, it's always possible she'll come back around later.
That means that if a conversation goes cold, it's okay to check in. It can be helpful to stay front of mind because you never know when she'll be up for a date, and seeing you pop on on the screen at the right time might be all it takes.
But if you nag, beg, or become aggressive, that's a sure fire way to get yourself blocked, rather than getting what you want.
Your follow ups should be light hearted and playful. Don't get on her case for not answering her sooner. A guilt trip will get you ignored. Instead, send a note that's easy to answer. Ask a question, tell a joke, or share something about yourself.
We get it, no one likes hearing no. But handling rejection well can actually get you a date!
If she says no for a particular reason, be understanding. Don't give her a hard time or complain. Instead, suggest a real solution to the problem. Remember, you want to make it as easy as possible for her to say yes.
For example, if she says no to a date offer, or cancels an existing date, because a big work project has come up and she's feeling stressed, suggest something that can help with that.
"Work stress is the worst! I'd still love to meet up with you and I'd love to help reduce your stress levels if I can. How about we meet up for coffee before you go into the office. Just a quick 10 minute hang to get you caffeinated for your long day. I promise to make you smile and get your day started on the right foot."
Often, if you acknowledge the problem she's told you about and offer to help, that will make a yes easy again. Remember, don't sound disappointed or blame her for the change of plan. Show how easy going you are and that you can roll with whatever comes up.
Seriously, take "no" for an answer
Nothing makes a 'no for now' into a 'no forever' like being a jerk about it.
Sometimes it's simply the wrong time for a date but if you're cool about it, you'll land a date with her later on. There's absolutely no reason to burn your bridges by freaking out, even if you're frustrated. Telling her off won't gain anything, and it will make sure you never get a date with her in the future.
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Here are the steps we've talked about: you get a Tinder match, you get your matches number (or not), form an emotional bond, verify she's interested... and then, you've got a good chance of landing a date.
Remember that there are plenty of women on Tinder, so if one match doesn't lead to a date, no big deal. There are plenty of other potential matches to connect with.
But if you follow the above steps, your chances of getting a date will be much higher!
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Ben is one of the best Tinder Experts I've ever met and one of the few that cracked the algorithm of Tinder. Every week, Ben is publishing new articles on ROAST, helping 1M+ of people to get more matches, dates, and find the one!