Everything You Should Know About Who Messages First on Tinder [2026]

If you’re using dating apps in 2026, you’ve likely wondered who texts first once you match. It is a common dilemma: do you wait for someone to reach out, or do you take the lead and send that first text yourself?

When I started dating, I didn't know if it was a faux pas to message first. I was told women should wait for men to make the first move to avoid appearing too eager, but that isn't always the best way to go. It turns out there is no hard rule about who should message first on Tinder. Some say men want to be the ones to chase, while others believe women should do it to get around the "creeps." Every person is different, and some simply prefer to wait for their match to speak up.

Whoever sends the message first, one thing is certain: you need a profile that helps you make a great impression. Your success relies heavily on your photos and bio. ROAST can optimize your profile for more likes and matches with straightforward, personalized advice. Try ROAST today to see the difference.

Statistically, in 2021, the user base was 62% male and 38% women globally (78.1% male in the US). You can see that article for more stats. While the landscape is still unbalanced, the gap is narrowing over time. So, should you be the one to message first?

In this article, we cover everything you need to know about this subject. You can jump to any section that sparks your interest first!

Does it matter who messages first on tinder?

It definitely matters. In the fast-paced world of dating in 2026, taking the lead on dating apps is the best way to ensure you actually get a date.

5 reasons to message first on Tinder:

• You control the rhythm: The person who sends the first text sets the rhythm. You don’t have to waste time waiting for someone else to start the interaction.
• Proactivity wins: Taking the initiative increases your success rate. When you choose to text first, it shows you know what you want rather than just relying on luck.
• Algorithm benefits: Your timing impacts how the algorithm treats your profile. Messaging right away helps you make a better impression on the system and your match.
• The gender gap: You will easily stand out. 63% of male users message matches within five minutes, while only 18% of women do. Being proactive is a rare thing.
• Tone over effort: Sending a text is much lower pressure than making a phone call, but your intent is actually more important than the act itself. If your tone is right, you'll see better results.

The way you present yourself through your profile has a massive effect on how that first conversation will go. You want to see matches who genuinely like your vibe. ROAST can set you up with a profile that makes you look attractive and desirable to anyone, helping you try a new approach to dating. Try it today.

! 5 reasons to send the first message on Tinder

Why don't guys message first on Tinder?

Guys are often intimidated to reach out because they're worried about rejection, so their first instinct is to wait for girls to do the first move!

They will tell themselves they are lazy, or don't know what to say, when they are in fact scared of not getting any answer in return.

Many are actually lazy, and do not come on Tinder often enough: they get a surge and swipe furiously for hours. Then do not come and engage conversation.

Let's face it, I've been there. You are not getting any matches, and are working hard for that. You swipe and swipe without being that selective.

And here you go, you get some connections. Now you get a second look, and the girl is not really your type. Or you do not find inspiration. And you do it. You procrastinate.

Seconds become minutes and minutes hours. And your match is still waiting.

This is very common! Break this curse.

It’s hurting you more than you know. The algorithm actually favors those who interact more and who swipe selectively. Your visibility will actually increase if you’re more proactive! For more Tinder secrets, ask ROAST for advice on how to set up your profile and pictures.

Swipe with caution, and engage fast!

Why don't girls message first on Tinder?

Several things are at play here.

First thing, this may be because they have been socialised to believe their gender should play hard-to-get in dating, or for a whole host of other reasons (consciously and/or unconsciously). The old courtship thing per-say. And this goes both ways

According to Tinder, only 1.4% of women think that they should send the first message. This is compared to 9.8% of men who think the same. ... Perhaps that's why 25% more women prefer a man to message them first than their male counterparts according to data from Tinder, not just because of women's shyness, but also because women are more likely to be ignored by men for sending the first message than vice versa.

The second thing is the "fear" factor, and fact that girls are pickier: when you're matched with someone on Tinder, it's usually not an instantaneous decision like swiping right or left. They see your profile picture and read through some of your bio before deciding if they want to strike up conversation! When this actually happens, most people get excited about potentially meeting; but then they immediately think about how anxious & "what if?" thoughts will follow them until after the first message has gone out.

Also, don't forget that girls get a lot more matches than guys on Tinder! They do start less conversations, but this is at play too. Waiting for guys to start is a way of filtering the motivated ones from the sort of lazy. To ensure your profile stands out among the crowd and makes you one of the 'motivated ones' worth messaging, consider an expert profile analysis.

But girls! This doesn't mean that you should never message a guy first; if you think he's attractive and worth the risk then send him a chat. The worst thing that can happen is for him not to reply - at least it shows your interest in them! If he does reply back then wow: someone who likes the idea of chatting with you on Tinder before meeting up IRL.

How do you get a girl to message you first on tinder

Getting a woman to send the first text isn't luck; it's about providing material. If you want someone to message first, your profile must be optimized. On dating apps, you know generic profiles fail when you want to see results. You need to provide a reason for her to reach out.

The Foundation: Profile Quality

Before you try any tactics, realize one thing: a weak profile is a dealbreaker. If your photos are poor or low-effort, women won't go through the effort of initiating. A top-tier profile is the only way to get a girl to message you; otherwise, any strategy regarding who texts first will fail.

• Interactive Backgrounds: Use photos in locations that invite specific questions.
• Skill Mastery: Show hobbies you have perfected to spark curiosity.
• Humor: Include easy details that are fun to comment on.
• Signature Events: Recognizable venues or events provide a natural opening line.

!Get opened on Tinder

Your bio is the best time to make her like what she sees. Use catchy lines or a simple challenge to reduce the pressure of the first text while dating in 2026.

If you aren't sure your profile works, try ROAST. They’ll ensure your profile is exactly what women want to see. This is the most effective way to get someone to message first.

How long should you wait to send the first message on Tinder?

We already talked about that in our article about Tinder ELO. Don't wait.

Playing hard to get, trying to hideyour interest is very counter productive on Tinder.

Just a reminder: if you're not doing anything on Tinder, chances are that other people aren't either. You'll never be able to keep up with them because they will always have something new to offer while you don't.

Remember that your profile is like the real first message. If you know that it’s great, you can be more confident in the first message that you send — which is bound to make it more successful. Let ROAST build you a profile so you can achieve that success.

Bumble, Hinge and Message before match

Tinder has evolved by 2026, especially with the new message before match feature. By using a Super Like, you can send a brief text to get someone to notice your personality before they even swipe. It is a great way for women and men to stand out and make an impact without waiting around.

However, the rules for who messages first on dating apps vary between platforms. On Bumble, the first move is a women-only thing required within 24 hours. While this empowers users, it can backfire if they don't know what they want to say, leading to a boring first text just to save the match before time runs out.

Hinge offers a more contextual way to go about it. Since you can attach a message to your like, you should always try. Use something you see in their photos to make your opener feel natural. This will hit two birds with one stone:

• You won’t struggle to find the perfect line to start the conversation.
• It is likely to increase your match rate if you make it creative!

What to message first on Tinder?

Sending the first text on dating apps like Tinder can feel daunting, but being the one to message first shows real confidence. There are huge psychological benefits to taking action; bravery and authenticity are highly attractive qualities. Instead of waiting for someone else to make a move, you take control of the way you connect every time you try to make a match.

Three first messages you can send to get a positive reply

• The Observation: "I see you are a fan of hobby]! How did you get into that?"
• The Fun Debate: "I have to know: does pineapple belong on pizza, or is that a dealbreaker?"
• The Travel Inquiry: "That photo is incredible! Where was it taken? I want to go there one day."

What to Avoid

• Low Effort: Avoid a simple "Hey" or "Hi."
• Generic Lines: Women see these constantly; stay original to stand out.
• Closed Questions: Do not make it a "yes or no" thing.

Success depends on your profile. If you're struggling to get replies, it might be time to optimize your dating profile to ensure it truly shines and encourages engaging conversations. ROAST provides personalized advice to help you stand out. Know your profile is great with ROAST.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who should message first, man or woman?

There is no universal rule that the man or the woman must send the first message in 2026. Effective practice depends on the specific context of the match and your personal dating style. While some people still prefer traditional roles, the best way to get more responses on dating apps is to send a message as soon as you see a connection you like.

Do guys like girls who message first?

Most guys genuinely appreciate it when a woman takes the initiative to message first. It is a refreshing thing to see because men are usually expected to make the first move on most apps, so women who take the lead often stand out. When you try to start the conversation yourself, it takes the pressure off the other person and shows that you know what you want.

Is the girl supposed to text the guy first?

A girl is only supposed to text the guy first if she feels comfortable doing so. While it is never a requirement, many men find it incredibly attractive when someone else takes the lead. If one person handles all the initiating every single time, the dynamic can feel unbalanced, so sending a sweet first text is a great way to let him know he can relax and enjoy the connection.

Who texts first in a relationship?

The person who texts first in a relationship is often the one who is more willing to show their interest in that specific moment. Experts like Trombetti suggest that while some people feel they get a small advantage or the upper hand by not sending that first text, healthy dating thrives when you stop keeping score. It is a natural way to let the relationship go where it needs to at any given time without overthinking who reached out first.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the question of who should message first on Tinder boils down to one simple thing: initiative. In the fast-paced landscape of 2026 dating, waiting around for someone else to make the move often means you miss out on a great connection. Whether you are one of the many women taking charge of your dating life or a guy looking to stand out, the best way to get results is to send that message as soon as you see a match.

Finding Your Rhythm on Dating Apps

Don't overthink the first text. You want to show you are interested without making the interaction feel like a chore. If you like what you see in their profile, try a simple, personalized approach to make them smile. The next time you find a match you really want to know, just go for it. Life is too short to let a potential spark fade away because of outdated rules. Now that you know the best way to start, it is time to try it out and see where your next conversation leads.