Just the thought of admitting you have a crush is enough to give most people butterflies in the stomach. The idea of actually owning up to it in real life can be terrifying.
So many nervous thoughts come to mind; from getting bad results from your text to the worry that you'll ruin a friendship.
But the only way to turn a crush into a relationship is to take your flirting to the next level and be honest about your feelings.
That's where the advice in this article comes in. We're going to help you figure out how to start conversations with your crush that can move you from friends to something more. From sending flirty texts to avoiding making a big mistake, be sure to read the whole article for more tips about the right and wrong way to tell someone you like them over text.
Here's everything this article breaks down for you — jump right to the section you're curious about or read the whole article so you don't miss any advice.
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You've been talking to people your whole life — do you really need advice on how to start a conversation?
As silly as it might sound (or feel) having feelings for someone changes everything. What might normally be a causal text message about weekend plans suddenly feels like the most important thing you'll say all week. It's easy to get so stuck in indecision that you don't say anything at all. And that definitely won't get the results you're looking for.
So how do you start a conversation with someone you have a crush on, or someone you're interested in?
For starters, try to treat them like any other friend. Remember that they don't know you're feeling nervous, and they aren't reading between the lines of your message. So just act naturally and try to have a casual conversation.
If that still sounds impossible, we've got some examples to help you out:
The easiest way to start a conversation is by asking a question. You might be surprised how easily things start to flow once you break the ice.
Think about what you and your crush have in common and use that information to decide what to ask. The question could be as simple as asking what they did over the weekend to asking for advice. Just keep in mind that you want a topic that will allow for several messages, not something that can be a one-word answer.
"I was impressed by how chill your dog was at the party last weekend! How did you train him?"
"I saw online that you liked reading true crime novels, could you give me some suggestions?"
People love to feel smart and helpful, so asking for advice can be a great place to start. Just make sure that you're keeping the topics light and fun.
Conversations need to be two-sided — so don't let your question asking come off sounding like an interview or a test.
However they answer your question, share something relevant in response. Try to give enough detail that there's something for them to latch onto for their own response.
It's also helpful to have a backup plan — if they don't dive in to continue the conversation based on what you've said, ask a follow-up question.
You*: "I saw online that you liked reading true crime novels, could you give me some suggestions?"*
Them*: "Absolutely! I just finished reading The Devil in the White City and I loved it."*
You*: "Good to know! I've heard that's a great book and I've always been curious about H.H. Holmes. Plus, I'm planning to visit Chicago this summer, so it would be the perfect book to bring with me.*
In this example, your text gives them at least two things they could latch onto for a response — talking more about H.H. Holmes (the subject of the book they just read) or talking about Chicago.
Wait for a little while so they have a chance to respond. Ideally, you want them to take a turn speaking up. But if nothing comes through in a few minutes, it's okay to send a follow-up text. (Read more below about double-texting.)
If they haven't answered, try asking another question.
You*: "Do you prefer historical novels or do you read modern stories, too?"*
You're still giving them a chance to talk about themselves and their interests, making it easy for them to respond.
Another great conversation starter is to give someone a compliment. Everyone likes a little flattery now and then, as long as you don't come on too strong.
Need an example? Here are some things to try:
"You were amazing at karaoke last weekend!"
"I was so impressed with your speech!"
Or try a compliment that's a little more flirtatious:
"Your new haircut looks great, the bangs really bring attention to your eyes."
Nothing breaks the tension in online conversations quite like a funny meme.
If you message your crush and don't hear back from them, it can be tricky to know what to do next. Luckily, there's a GIF for every occasion. Drop something silly into the thread and you might be surprised at what can happen.
Simply showing that you aren't taking the conversation too seriously, or that you're not waiting for them to answer, can take a lot of the pressure off.
Keep in mind what they're into and what you have in common and aim for GIFs that are relevant to your shared interests.
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While it might seem obvious, part of doing things right is to avoid doing them wrong. And when emotions are running high, it's especially easy to make a mistake before you even realize what happened.
That's why planning in advance is such an important thing. If you think about these guidelines now it'll be easier to keep your cool and respond in a way you can feel proud of, no matter what happens.
When you finally share how you're feeling you might be tempted to overshare. Remember, while honesty is good, you don't want to rush things.
It can be such a relief to open up about how you're feeling that sometimes the words just come pouring out. It's a common mistake, but it can easily overwhelm your crush. Instead, try to talk to a friend about how you're feeling first, so you can get it out of your system first. That way it'll be easier to play it cool when you're having a conversation with your crush.
If there's no one else you feel like you can talk to, try writing your feelings down. Simply using a diary or journal can do wonders for working through your feelings and can also be a good way to try out different things you want to say the next time you're texting.
Take a break and give the other person a chance to respond. Sometimes people get busy and you don't want them to freak out when they check their phone and see how many messages you've sent.
Just slow down and wait for them to answer your messages. If you don't hear back in a day or two it's okay to check in, just try to keep things light and playful, rather than demanding to know why it took them so long to get back to you.
No one likes rejection. But it's a bad idea to lose your cool and freak out about it.
Maybe this just isn't the right moment for you and your crush to become more than friends. If you blow up at them that might be the end of the friendship, too.
Like we mentioned above, turn to a friend or a journal to vent your frustrations. And keep your feelings under control if you find out your crush's feelings aren't the same or that they don't want a relationship.
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Telling your crush you like them can be scary, but it doesn't have to be. Just remember to be honest, take things slow, and avoid doing anything that might make the situation worse. With a little planning and care, you'll be on your way to a great relationship in no time.
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Ben is one of the best Tinder Experts I've ever met and one of the few that cracked the algorithm of Tinder. Every week, Ben is publishing new articles on ROAST, helping 1M+ of people to get more matches, dates, and find the one!